Monday, July 30, 2007

Am I really going to go????

So J and I are scheduled to go away this weekend sans kids. We're heading to VA Beach for a friend's wedding/belated anniversary/my birthday celebration. Up until the last week I've been looking forward to this like a person on a diet looks at a bakery. I wanted to sleep, see a movie, have a blast at the wedding, and oh, did I mention, sleep?? The girls will be in the more than capable care of my inlaws and plenty of my family will be there to take them out and about. Well this past week major anxiety has set in about the whole thing and I'm actually considering not going. (NOTE: That won't actually happen because unless I've severed a limb and am gushing blood, J will kill me if we don't go!!)

So, what has set off this delusion that I cannot leave my children for a measly few days you may ask? To begin, this trip is going to cost us a small fortune. Between the driving and hotel, not to mention the wedding it will probably be the most costly long weekend we've ever been on. This alone is making me consider only going down Saturday for the wedding and heading back.

My next excuse, I mean reason, to not go: guilt. to love the guilt!! What am I feeling guilty about? Let me count the ways...
1. I've never been away from M for more than a few hours and she's going through a major attachment to me right now.
2. We haven't been away from C since she was 9 months old, and am afraid after a day of fun at Mema's she's going to want to go home.
3. I feel bad that my inlaws will have the girls for so many days.
4. Did I mention that M is also teething and waking up at night?
5. And that C has been attached to J at the hip these days? before you all jump on here and yell at me that I have to go, I deserve to go...I know. Rationally I know. My brain is not that mushy to understand that I need a break and my children do too. However, I don't think I would be a mom if I wasn't worried about the impact it's going to have on my children. This really is a test to see how we all do. If it works well then hopefully there will be more mini vacations in my future, or at least the kids going to NJ without us. If it's a bust, well then who knows when we will go away again...when they are out of the house???


Leigh Ann said...

I could have written that post! You are going this weekend though! We are going to have fun, I promise. :)

Jennifer said...

No, no. You will be a better momma if you get a break~ Trust me on this one!