Friday, April 27, 2007


Today is a memorable day. 5 years ago, I married my high school sweetheart, J. I can't believe how time has flown! It really doesn't seem like it has been that long...and yet here we are! On our honeymoon to St. John, we laid out some plans for our future anniversaries. For this one, we thought we would be on a trip to Hawaii. 10 years we were going to be back in St. John and renewing our vows. 15 years we would go to Italy. Man, how time (and children) changes everything!

J...Thank you for marrying me 5 years ago. On that day you made me the happiest woman ever. I know we have had our ups and downs over the past 5 years, but I think we are stronger for it. You continue to amaze me every day and make me realize how lucky I am. I know we aren't doing anything remotely like we imagined for our anniversary, but I am just happy to spend the night with you. I love you!!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Sadness and Grief

Last June was a difficult and joyous month. On the one hand, my angelic baby girl, M entered the world. Not even two weeks later, my grandmother who was more like a mother to me, passed away. All my family minus myself and my sister were there at her side when she went. I still have issues with the fact that I wasn't there, but at the same time I have realized that I could not have handled it. I still can't handle it. I've come to terms with it and am not crying all the time as I had been, but it definitely hurts.

It may seem strange that after so long I am writing this post, but I'm facing another crisis here. My grandfather is now in the hospital struggling to live. He had to have major brain surgery on Monday and is now on a ventilator. He's been sedated for the past few days and just today has been able to be off sedation. As difficult as it has been to see him sedated, I had a harder time seeing him today. He kept trying to talk to me and I couldn't understand him because he has the tube down his throat. I'm praying and hoping that he will be better but I'm not sure now. My head realizes that he's 87 years old, has lost his wife this year, and is probably ready to go. However, my heart can't deal with that. I cannot fathom losing both of them in a year. My grandfather was my father as my father was absent most of my life. This is like losing my parents. How do you deal with that? Where do you draw the line between what your head knows and what your heart feels??

I'm overcome with sadness and grief today. I'm sad for the situation and how my family is affected. I've effectively moved to NJ with the girls until my grandfather is either stable or... I can't even go that far. I'm grieving for my grandmother and beginning to grieve for my grandfather. Is this how you prepare for it? Will this make it hurt any less? I'm just overwhelmed right now and wish I could just sleep until everything is better. For tonight that is what I will do. Tomorrow, I will get up, have a nice breakfast with the girls and J and then head to the hospital. I will do my best to stay positive and smile at my grandfather. I know he needs happiness right now and that is what I will give him.


Monday, April 2, 2007

And they're off...

So in the last week, M has hit a major milestone...she's crawling and pulling up. She went from slowly crawling last week to now flying. She's getting close to standing. It's all exciting and scares the crap out of me at the same time. I'm going to have two kids to chase around?!? And now the real fun begins...

This week is C's first full week without school. To start off, we had C's big party with her school friends on Sunday. She had a blast and was so sugared up by the end, that she was actually running around in circles. Today we tried to go to the zoo and realized that going when all the kids are on spring break, the cherry blossoms are in bloom, and a new museum is opening...not a good idea! Instead, we drove around DC for almost 3 hours. We wound up going to the farm park around the corner from our house instead. Oh well...we'll try again another day...

Off to bed...