Thursday, July 31, 2008

Making a list

Yup, making lists...that's what I'm doing right now. List for things I want to donate, list of things I want to sell, list of things that need to be done around the house... Lists for everything.

Some may say that I'm OCD when it comes to making lists, but truth is, it's the only way I can keep the panic monster at bay. I can't control what's happening right now in my life but I can control the lists I'm making. Make sense?? ;)

So I have a list of what I need to do in the next 36 hours while J is in NJ. He's there for a follow up interview and hopefully (crossing everything!) an offer on a job. While he's there, I'm trying to get some things done. My list, so far, is:

- Vaccum
- Do dishes
- Pack up toys for donation
- Continue going through clothes for donation
- Put stuff for donation in garage
- Clean our bedroom
- Clean kitchen counters
- Take out garbage

There are more things I can add to the list, but I think it's a tall order for me to get done alone as is. So where am I in my progress? Well...I'm working on procrastination! What, that's not on the list?? Oh...I'll get around to adding it later I'm sure.

Honestly as much as I should be doing these things, I can't motivate myself. I'm just drained and not wanting to deal with the mess in my house. So, any ideas on how to get my butt in gear?? Caffeine has already been hooked up to the IV and is flowing as we are talking... Anything else??

I swear I'll get some things done tonight while the girls are in bed. Really, pinkie swear. I'm even planning on rewarding myself by watching a movie if I get some things done. Hopefully that will help...

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

It's Pouring...

You know the phrase, when it rains, it pours?'s definitely pouring here!

In case we didn't have enough turmoil in our house because of the whole job thing we came home from NJ on Wednesday to find that our air conditioner was dead.  Nice, huh?  We toughed it out with some fans and the windows open until Saturday and then we gave in and checked into a hotel nearby.  Milo (our cat) couldn't take the heat at all, so he was shipped off to my sister's and was enjoying the a/c.

After the guy came on Thursday and told us what needed to be done (whole furnace needed replacing...can you say ouch!), more stress hit us.  Here we are days away from the end of J's contract and needing to shell out some major dough.  Not good...  We were counting on our savings to help us in case J was out of work for any period of time not to get our a/c fixed.  But Murphy's Law, right??

Needless to say, the a/c is fixed.  We are definitely lighter in the bank account as a result, but what are we going to do?  Now we're just waiting to see if J gets a job offer this week.  It's looking good as the one company is offering to pay for his travel to NJ for another interview, but I'm not counting my chickens until they are hatched.  One to many metaphors here?? :)

Next week is my birthday.  Guess I'm hoping for some kind of miracle and J to have a job lined up by then, or at the very least nothing else goes wrong.  Is it terrible for my birthday wish to be that our life be a little easy for a change??

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

On the Road Again...

Yup, that's right. We're heading to NJ again. J has an interview there on Thursday, another one possibly on Monday and a job fair to attend on Tuesday. Instead of him taking the train up and back, we decided just to go up with him and stay up for the week. This was a last minute decision, so that means lots of laundry and packing are ahead of me tonight! FUN!?!

So, wish us luck and hopefully I'll br reporting some good news from NJ next week!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Summertime Blues...'s official. Summer needs to be over, like now. There are only so many times I can hear "I'm bored" before it drives me insane. In fact, if I hear it again today you might as well come visit me at the nut house.

It's not like we aren't doing anything all day long.  We take trips to the farm, playground, mall, story time, free concerts, etc.  We've been making doll houses out of shoe boxes and cookies from scratch.  We've attempted swimming but the rain always foils our plans.  Point is...we've had plenty of things to do.  But yet, the boredom strikes.  And it's not all on the younger members of our house, nope...I'm bored!  Bored of the number of children's activities I need to come up with to fill our day.  Bored of the tons of laundry and other household stuff I should be doing on a daily basis.  Bored, bored, bored...

I do love that I get to be home with the girls.  But there are times, more now than ever, where I miss working.  Not necessarily the work itself, but the interaction with other people, the challenges, and being out of the house!  I know the day is coming when I will be back to working and come back and read this post and think, "I wish I was like that now!", but for now, this is how I feel.  I can't be alone in this right??  There have to be other moms who feel the same way!  I hope...

I think part of my problem is that I feel not in control of my life right now.  This whole job thing has thrown us all for a loop and it's crazy to think that I won't know where we will be living in the next few weeks.  It makes it hard for me to commit to anything, especially where the girls are involved.  Summer camp?  Nope...  More dance classes...won't do that either.  Why am I going to spend the money to enroll them in something to have us drop out in 2 weeks? 

I'm a crazy control freak, so my issues aren't completely about the kids and lack of activities.  I wish it was that easy.  The fact is that my hubby, J, is in complete control of this...not something I am used to at all.  We usually make decisions together or I completely control the show.  Don't get me wrong, I'll be having major input as to the final job decision, but the day to day applying, calls, etc. I can't help with. 

So I need something to distract me from going absolutely insane until this new job is in the bag.  Any suggestions out there??  Bueller, Bueller....

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

2 years...

2 years ago, I lost my grandmother. I know I have posted a few times about her, my grief, and how important she was to me. Today, I thought I would share something that only the people attending her funeral heard...her eulogy.

To set the stage, I wrote this in one shot the night before her funeral. I was almost 2 weeks postpartum, up all night because of grief and a newborn, so my emotions were raw. Well, here it goes:


Margaret Carey lived a blessed life. She was a loving wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, and friend. She was an active member of her community through the Elk’s Club and American Legion. She touched many people’s lives, as we can see from all of the friends and family who have come to share in this time. On behalf of our family, I want to thank you all for being here.

Although today is our chance to say goodbye, it’s also a time to celebrate my grandmother’s life. She was the true matriarch of the family, the mother bear who took care of us all. She was always there for us, no matter what was going on. I’m sure there were times that we wished she wasn’t so nosey, but that’s just the way she was. You could always count on her to keep up with what was going on around her, even if she had to peek out the curtains at her house to find out.

Grandma gave us many gifts. She provided us all with a strong base to grow from. From her three daughters down to her grandkids, she has given us all a piece of her. Although we may have all been embarrassed by her screaming across the street at 4 o’clock in the afternoon that it was time for dinner, we appreciated her taking care of us. There was never a need to thank her, she just did it.She never cared what other people thought of her. In fact, she was always open and honest about the way she felt. At one time or another I’m sure we all heard her call someone a pain in the ass with no apology for it. Some people may have felt this was a major fault, but it was just grandma.

From her Star magazine obsession to stocking tons of toilet paper, Grandma had little quirks that we all loved. Like the fact that we always knew what we were having for dinner by what day of the week it was, or how a powdered sugar donut and a cup of tea was a perfect bedtime snack.

My grandmother was never one for showing her emotions, however we all knew how much she loved each and every one of us. She always had a hug waiting for us whenever we needed to be comforted, or the wooden spoon ready when we were in trouble. And in the end, we were able to do the same for her. As she left us, she was surrounded by the love and support of her family, just as she is today.

For all of this, I thank you, Grandma. You were truly a blessing to all of us, and will be missed.


I think it's amazing how I can look back upon that 2 years later and still feel the emotion it was written with. I see flaws in it, like maybe I was trying to be more funny than serious, or that I should have added more about how wonderful she was, how she raised me to be the person I am today. How I wish I could go back and spend more time with her, call her more often just to tell her I missed her. Or how I think about her every day still and wonder if she would be proud of me. How I see her in my girls, their spunk and stubbornness, but also the way they always know when I'm thinking of her and need a hug.

I'm sure I will always wonder and wish and grieve. I guess that's part of remembering. I love you, Grandma, and I miss you more than anything.