Monday, July 30, 2007

Am I really going to go????

So J and I are scheduled to go away this weekend sans kids. We're heading to VA Beach for a friend's wedding/belated anniversary/my birthday celebration. Up until the last week I've been looking forward to this like a person on a diet looks at a bakery. I wanted to sleep, see a movie, have a blast at the wedding, and oh, did I mention, sleep?? The girls will be in the more than capable care of my inlaws and plenty of my family will be there to take them out and about. Well this past week major anxiety has set in about the whole thing and I'm actually considering not going. (NOTE: That won't actually happen because unless I've severed a limb and am gushing blood, J will kill me if we don't go!!)

So, what has set off this delusion that I cannot leave my children for a measly few days you may ask? To begin, this trip is going to cost us a small fortune. Between the driving and hotel, not to mention the wedding it will probably be the most costly long weekend we've ever been on. This alone is making me consider only going down Saturday for the wedding and heading back.

My next excuse, I mean reason, to not go: guilt. to love the guilt!! What am I feeling guilty about? Let me count the ways...
1. I've never been away from M for more than a few hours and she's going through a major attachment to me right now.
2. We haven't been away from C since she was 9 months old, and am afraid after a day of fun at Mema's she's going to want to go home.
3. I feel bad that my inlaws will have the girls for so many days.
4. Did I mention that M is also teething and waking up at night?
5. And that C has been attached to J at the hip these days? before you all jump on here and yell at me that I have to go, I deserve to go...I know. Rationally I know. My brain is not that mushy to understand that I need a break and my children do too. However, I don't think I would be a mom if I wasn't worried about the impact it's going to have on my children. This really is a test to see how we all do. If it works well then hopefully there will be more mini vacations in my future, or at least the kids going to NJ without us. If it's a bust, well then who knows when we will go away again...when they are out of the house???

Monday, July 16, 2007

Is anyone out there??

Wow...I can't believe it's been so long since my last post. I wish I could say I was on some exotic trip or indulging in some other form of pampering, but that hasn't been the case. What has been keeping us busy you may ask?? Well, for the kids it's been a series of activities from trips to NJ, swim class, and playing outside. For J and I it's been sleepless nights and lots of driving!! Wish I could say we're slowing down, but not quite yet. We're heading back to NJ for the week. I'm hoping to take the girls to the shore (yes, I'm from Jersey and proud!!) and to a children's museum on top of all the family visits we have to attend to. Can we say mommy needs a margarita and a massage???

M has been perfecting her walk these days and she's doing a great job. She's now moved on to being able to stand from anywhere using the bottoms up approach. She loves being mobile and HATES when we try to keep her on our lap these days. Just this afternoon, she was chasing C down the hallway giggling away. It really was an adorable sight.

Miss C has been a handful recently. I have been having a hard time keeping her entertained especially on these hot days when we need to stay indoors. That's part of the reason we're heading to NJ again. She always has a blast and there are so many visitors to occupy her with. She is loving swimming, and would stay in the pool all day long if we allowed. We've been talking a lot about starting school again so she can get used to the idea. I think she's going to love it although she's skeptical. She keeps telling me that she's going to be shy and not have any friends. :(

I've been working on getting rid of my neck/back issues hard core these days. I'm going to physical therapy twice a week and getting all kinds of injections to help it out. I wish I could say it's getting better, but it's not. I'm not sure what's going on but I've been getting terrible headaches and migraines again. Of course to top all this off I seemed to have caught some kind of cold or virus the end of last week and was just miserable. Ugh, I just want to feel normal!!!! Next week I'm heading in for a steroid epidural in my neck. probably will be as much fun as it sounds. :P

Off to switch the laundry and try and get some sleep....

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Did I sign up for all this?

I had been doing some serious thinking recently about all the things I try and accomplish in a day. The typical day in our household goes something like this:

2 am -- Wake up to M's cries and convince her to go back to sleep.
5:45 am --Wake up to J's alarm and try to pretend I don't hear it.
7:15 am -- C comes storming in our room freaking out that she missed J before he left for work.
7:16 am -- C demanding breakfast but only daddy can get it.
7:30 am -- M waking up and looking to eat.
7:35 am -- Put a cup of water in the microwave for tea.
7:40 am --Realize I forgot the water and reheat it.
7:45 am -- Realize I forgot to take the teabag out. Add tons of milk and sugar to compensate.
7:46 am -- C in complete meltdown because she only said goodbye to daddy 3 times.
7:47 am -- Release a yelling M out of her high chair and let her down to play.
7:48 am -- Damn, where's my tea??

Yup...that's just the morning. At around 9 am I get the brazen idea to try and do something: clean, take the kids out somewhere, etc. BAD idea!! It usually winds up that M is too tired at around 10-10:30 to go too far from home, or even better, we have been getting stuck in nasty thunderstorms! Nothing better than loading two cranky kids and groceries in the car during a downpour!!

By this time of the day I'm done for and it's not even lunchtime. Recently this has gotten me thinking...what the hell was I thinking when I thought this would be easy?? I mean I worked in daycare but had no real appreciation of everything that goes into mommyhood. And now that I'm not working and C is home full time, you would think that this would be less work deadlines, no worrying about C after dropoff, etc., but instead it's worse. Sure now my stress relates to how I'm going to get the dishes done quietly while M naps and keep C quietly entertained, but it's stress no less. The days that I used to travel to NJ and work full time in my office I used to dream about not working and staying I seem to be daydreaming about quiet worktime. Is something wrong with me?? I wouldn't give up this opportunity to stay with the girls for anything right now, but at the same time I'm definitely missing the adult interaction and quietness of my worklife. Ahhh...I'm sure every mom feels the same way, right??

Summer craziness...

Ahh, the summer craziness has begun! Last weekend we went to Richmond for a friend's son's (and C's best pal) 3rd bday party. C and M had a great time and it was nice to all visit for a little while. Sunday, C began her swim lessons which went fine until class was over. Apparently she felt it wasn't done yet and threw a fit getting out of the pool. Gotta love 3 year olds! Grr...

Wednesday we spent the 4th shopping (a true American past time!) and then had a bbq with a friend and her daughter. We then headed into J's office to watch the DC fireworks. They were good, but definitely don't even compare to NYC!!

We are now heading up to NJ for a long weekend. J's sister is in from CA and we have a graduation party to go to. Busy, busy!!

Hopefully we will all survive all this driving!