Thursday, July 5, 2007

Did I sign up for all this?

I had been doing some serious thinking recently about all the things I try and accomplish in a day. The typical day in our household goes something like this:

2 am -- Wake up to M's cries and convince her to go back to sleep.
5:45 am --Wake up to J's alarm and try to pretend I don't hear it.
7:15 am -- C comes storming in our room freaking out that she missed J before he left for work.
7:16 am -- C demanding breakfast but only daddy can get it.
7:30 am -- M waking up and looking to eat.
7:35 am -- Put a cup of water in the microwave for tea.
7:40 am --Realize I forgot the water and reheat it.
7:45 am -- Realize I forgot to take the teabag out. Add tons of milk and sugar to compensate.
7:46 am -- C in complete meltdown because she only said goodbye to daddy 3 times.
7:47 am -- Release a yelling M out of her high chair and let her down to play.
7:48 am -- Damn, where's my tea??

Yup...that's just the morning. At around 9 am I get the brazen idea to try and do something: clean, take the kids out somewhere, etc. BAD idea!! It usually winds up that M is too tired at around 10-10:30 to go too far from home, or even better, we have been getting stuck in nasty thunderstorms! Nothing better than loading two cranky kids and groceries in the car during a downpour!!

By this time of the day I'm done for and it's not even lunchtime. Recently this has gotten me thinking...what the hell was I thinking when I thought this would be easy?? I mean I worked in daycare but had no real appreciation of everything that goes into mommyhood. And now that I'm not working and C is home full time, you would think that this would be less work deadlines, no worrying about C after dropoff, etc., but instead it's worse. Sure now my stress relates to how I'm going to get the dishes done quietly while M naps and keep C quietly entertained, but it's stress no less. The days that I used to travel to NJ and work full time in my office I used to dream about not working and staying I seem to be daydreaming about quiet worktime. Is something wrong with me?? I wouldn't give up this opportunity to stay with the girls for anything right now, but at the same time I'm definitely missing the adult interaction and quietness of my worklife. Ahhh...I'm sure every mom feels the same way, right??