Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The Great Debate

I've reached the point in my stay at home life where I'm wondering if I made the right choice. Would we have been better off if I had continued working? Are the financial constraints my decision caused worth it?

You see I always thought I would be a working mom. I loved working...the interaction with different people, the problem solving, the feeling like I was accomplishing something on a daily basis. At the end of even the worst day I knew I finished SOMETHING! Whereas my stay at home mom status has me lacking in this department. Yes, I know I'm here for my kids and that counts for an awful lot, but when I look at it, there is no task that is accomplished, no client won over or crisis averted. There is just piles of laundry, cleaning to be done, and kids to put to bed.

The closer M gets to 2 the more I wonder if I should be going back to work. Am I ready to throw my hat back in the ring? Will the kids survive and thrive more in some type of daycare? Originally I had planned on waiting to go back to work until M was in preschool and C was in Kindergarten. It seemed like a logical time, but now I'm wondering if it is soon enough? Sure we could use the extra money I mean who couldn't, but is it worth the cost of daycare for both kids? Would I enjoy work for a few days, weeks, months until I am dying to stay at home again??? And hence my dilemma...

For now staying at home is the only option. Unless by some miracle a wonderful opportunity drops into my lap that I can't not take, the cost of daycare for two kids is too much. I would be working to literally pay someone else to care for my kids. And that I cannot accept. Besides, what would I do? I've been out of the work force now for over a year and I'm not sure what direction I want to go in. My old job was easy, no real challenges and no room for growth. So that leads me to be starting a new career which is terrifying. How do you start? Go back to school? Take a temp job? Talk to a career counselor? I just don't know. And so the questions keep going...

So in the life long debate over the stay at home vs. career mom, the stay at home mom wins this round. And as the screaming kids beacon me back to reality, I happily accept my role.