The Great Debate

I've reached the point in my stay at home life where I'm wondering if I made the right choice. Would we have been better off if I had continued working? Are the financial constraints my decision caused worth it?

You see I always thought I would be a working mom. I loved working...the interaction with different people, the problem solving, the feeling like I was accomplishing something on a daily basis. At the end of even the worst day I knew I finished SOMETHING! Whereas my stay at home mom status has me lacking in this department. Yes, I know I'm here for my kids and that counts for an awful lot, but when I look at it, there is no task that is accomplished, no client won over or crisis averted. There is just piles of laundry, cleaning to be done, and kids to put to bed.

The closer M gets to 2 the more I wonder if I should be going back to work. Am I ready to throw my hat back in the ring? Will the kids survive and thrive more in some type of daycare? Originally I had planned on waiting to go back to work until M was in preschool and C was in Kindergarten. It seemed like a logical time, but now I'm wondering if it is soon enough? Sure we could use the extra money I mean who couldn't, but is it worth the cost of daycare for both kids? Would I enjoy work for a few days, weeks, months until I am dying to stay at home again??? And hence my dilemma...

For now staying at home is the only option. Unless by some miracle a wonderful opportunity drops into my lap that I can't not take, the cost of daycare for two kids is too much. I would be working to literally pay someone else to care for my kids. And that I cannot accept. Besides, what would I do? I've been out of the work force now for over a year and I'm not sure what direction I want to go in. My old job was easy, no real challenges and no room for growth. So that leads me to be starting a new career which is terrifying. How do you start? Go back to school? Take a temp job? Talk to a career counselor? I just don't know. And so the questions keep going...

So in the life long debate over the stay at home vs. career mom, the stay at home mom wins this round. And as the screaming kids beacon me back to reality, I happily accept my role.

Birthday Resolutions

So Saturday was my birthday. Usually they suck, and I mean really suck. They consist of people forgetting (including my mom), something bad happening paired with some really nasty August weather. I don't usually look forward to them but this year was different. Maybe it's getting older or my kids that have changed me, but this year I was determined to not to be in a huge funk on my day. Having to attend a wedding and starting the day on the beach definitely aided that, but I also think I'm just expecting less. Either way, my day came and went but I made some resolutions to myself. Here they are:

• I will work on becoming happier with who I am despite my flaws.
• I will eat healthier and work out more regularly so that my children are brought up in a household where that matters.
• I will spend less time worrying about what other people think of me.
• I will spend more time telling people how much they mean to me.
• I will not let money run my life.
• I will take each day as it comes and try to let it go each night before bed.
• I will continue to try new things and meet new people.

Yes, that is quite a list. Of course, these are all things I should be doing already but I've decided enough is enough. I can't keep making excuses as to why I don't do certain things or meet more people. I need to live each day for what it is and try to make myself a little better along the way. I'm hoping this will help me stay happier and teach my daughters not to stress the way I did. I've always been the responsible one and the worrier since I was a child, so much to the point I would forget to enjoy being young. So now I am going to enjoy it and hope that my positivity will rub off. I know this will not be easy and each day will provide new challenges, but I am ready. Sad it's taken me 29 years to figure that out....